The Glee Project: Songs and Children Crying

Okay, so they're not really children.  I think the youngest person on this competition to be on Glee was 18 or so.  Still, they'll be playing children (if they win), so it's sort of the same thing, right?

It's not all sad tears, though!  There are plenty of happy moments that threaten to make my shriveled heart grow three sizes.

There are sweet surprises...

She's so goddamn cute.  Just look at her.

...rousing musical numbers...

Get it girl!

...and swingsets at proms.

Okay, I don't really get that one, but it looked fun for them.

The ultimate goal is to get a seven-episode guest-starring role on Glee (another guilty pleasure of mine that will surely show up on this blog at some point), and though it's heartbreaking to see most of the contestants' dreams get shattered, it's (sorta) worth it to see someone win.

Because sometimes all you need in life is a lame part written on a show already so convoluted that adding a poorly-developed character is really a dumb decision.

Oh well, the music's good.

America's Next Top Model: Ladies, Legs, and Lulz

"This was my 'guilty pleasure' show.  I hate that it's been ruined."  --Hulu commenter

As a lover of reality TV, of course I watch America's Next Top Model.  There's all the stuff I like in there: hot people, competitions, and crying.  However, the show is getting flak for changing its format.  Now, in the show's 19th "cycle" (a term that's always made me uncomfortable), the viewers are allowed to have a say in who stays and who goes instead of the judges mediating everything.  Apparently that, with the removal of photographer Nigel and mentors the "J's," is enough to "ruin" this clearly quality show.

There are all sorts of interesting characters that have shown up for some reason, too.

supermodel Rob Evans and dancer Jonte'

a fabulous YouTube leprechaun named P'trique

Who am I to judge?  Jonte' can rock his bedazzled onesie with matching devil-horned baseball cap if he wants.  I love it.  I wonder if those hats are on sale.  I'd wear one if I had any self-confidence.

Thank you, Tyra Banks, for offering girls who are 10x more attractive than me the opportunity to make money (seriously, it really helps them out--when they win challenges this season, they win scholarship money).  Plus I just like the random themes for photoshoots.

Yay taxidermy!

Interested?  You know you are.  It's impossible to resist the drama of gorgeous women living in a house together.  Watch America's Next Top Model here: http://www.hulu.com/americas-next-top-model

Bachelor Pad: Tears, Booze, and Drama

"this show should be called 'Tenth Grade Pool Party'." --Hulu commenter

Ah, where to begin with my most shameful guilty pleasure show: Bachelor Pad.  For those of you lucky enough not to have heard of it, here's the gist: losers from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette live in a mansion together, fight with each other, and cry a lot for a chance at $250,000.

Yeah.  I can't believe I watch it either.

I rarely watch The Bachelor/ette, so why does this shitty show have so much appeal for me?  Well, besides it being poor reality TV (something I can't seem to tear myself away from), there are a few elements that make this show so weirdly entertaining.

Hot people.  Bikinis and trunks.  Silly dates (they went to a wax museum and pretended to be statues once.  WTF).  Silly competitions (a spelling bee, I shit you not).

It was just awkward for everyone.

And tears.  So.  Many.  Tears.

Tears after the spelling bee (I kind of wanted to cry too).

Tears on a bunk bed.

Tears by a strange lava lamp.

All that salty goodness entertains me for some reason.  I guess I'm just an asshole.  But at least I...well...nah, I got nothing.  I'm just a dick.

Ha-ha, pretty people crying.  Ha motherfuckin' ha.  Continue to amuse me for the prospect of a quarter of a million dollars.